Eat, Sleep, Grade, Repeat

So I thought I would give you a little 'day in the life' account of a lowly potato grader...

3:20 – Alarm goes off

3:23 – Alarm goes off again

3:24 – Sob briefly into my pillow before getting dressed by torchlight

3:35 – Wash face and examine the intensity of bloodshot eyes

3:45 – Sit down to a delicious porridge breakfast…nom

4:00 – Brush teeth, grab lunch and head to Tanja’s Pajero.

4:15 – 40 minute drive, in the dark, to the factory

4:52 – See lights of factory and sob quietly to myself again

4:57 – Mad dash to grab desperately needed caffeine fix before clocking in

5:00 – Gloves and hair net on, check the board and run to nearest open grading table

5:15 – Begin calculating when work will potentially end. There are 320 tonnes so best base scenario each 40 tonnes will take 1 hour 15 minutes. So 10 hours plus a half hour lunch break and 3 x 10 minute breaks = 16:00 finish! Worse case scenario each 40 tonnes will take 1 hour 30 minutes. So 12 hours plus a half hour lunch break and 4 x 10 minute breaks = 18:10 finish!

5:45 – Manoeuvre beanie/hoodie/hairnet so supervisor will not see headphones

6:00 – It’s only 6 o’clock??! Why did I look at the clock! Only 2 more hours till break number 1. FML

6:20 – Get yelled at by hairy chinned, scary as fuck, quality controller for too many COLD CRACKS!

7:05 – It’s only 7:05??! Why did I look at the clock! Goddamnit.

7:40 – Woop woop! There is the green light! First 80 tonnes done! Brrrrap!

7:50 – Potatoes come to a grinding holt, break bell rings. Pace it back to the canteen for coffee number 2. Freeze tits off for 5 min before running back inside and rotate to the next table.

8:00 – Indian NBF starts painful round of eye-spy...something that starts with P? Um POTATO!?

9:30 – Woop woop! There is the green light! Next 40 tonnes done! Brrrrap!

10:00 – Potatoes come to a grinding holt, break bell rings. Pace it back to the canteen for coffee number 3. Freeze tits off for 5 min before running back inside and rotate to the next table.

10:45 – Start drifting off to sleep so ask Indian NBF to play another game. Start painful round of 20 Questions...no a skunk is not in fact the same size as a horse!?

12:30 – Lunch bells rings! Pace it back to the canteen for coffee number 4 as well as tuna sarmie and apple. Nom. Debate what time we will end for at least 20 minutes.

13:00 – Back to work. 'One Potato, Two Potato, Three Potato, Four...'

13:30 - Get sent to the specials table to pick out the minging-est potatoes. This station is right at end of the line and the machine is extra noisy, THUS begin singing the South African national anthem on full blast, on repeat, for an hour and half!  

14:00 – Green light! 80 Tonnes to go....recalculate finishing time...um 5pm finish perhaps?

15:00 – Potatoes come to a grinding holt, break bell rings. Pace it back to the canteen for coffee number 5. Freeze tits off for 5 min before running back inside and rotate to the next table.

15:10 – Walk round to the other side of the factory - it's Cocktail (potato) Hour! 

17:05 – Green light! Sweep up, clean up, clock out and fly outta there.

18:00 – Arrive back at backpackers and straight to the shower to rub off the filth of the factory. Ew.

18:45 – To the kitchen to battle it out over microwaves, hobs and ovens. 

19:15 – Delicious dinner of noodles, spinach, broccoli and tuna devoured.

19:30 - Midnight  – GOON TIME. Solid 4 hours of boxed wine consumption ensues, maybe a little dodge pong (a variation of beer pong), a couple of drinking card games, definitely a lot of banter, an occasional bit of dancing on benches and some pretty inappropriate behaviour in general.

00:05 – Hop into bed and look at phone. Oh sweet Jesus I have to be up in 3 hours. Sleep sleeeeeep must sleeeeep.

00:37 – Aaaand asleep.